I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
