I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
