i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize