so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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