just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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