Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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