A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
