ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Randomize
