I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
