I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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