Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
