She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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