Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
