"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
