Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
