Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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