look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
