Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
