I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
