please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
