This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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