The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
