there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
