They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
