You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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