just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I cut my penus on the lid.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
