She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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