i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
