I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
