When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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