i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The best revenge is premature balding
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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