I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize