honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
