he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
