Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
