do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
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I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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