She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
