i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
