She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
