Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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