he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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