Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
