Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
