The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm having to shit out rocks
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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