Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we made out on top of his cat.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
