I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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