Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
