You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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