I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
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you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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