i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
