Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
