No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
