I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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