I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
