I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
