Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
