Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
