"it" just moved
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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