On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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