Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
