I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
