I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
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Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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