Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
