i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
