I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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