wake up i wanna do it froggy style
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
