I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
