i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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