ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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