The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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